Registered hypocrite

FullSizeRenderI am a registered hypocrite. I feed on the spiritually weak who need someone to look up to. I try very hard to be that person — to at least appear to be one who is spiritually strong. Because of that, you have to be careful around me, because I act like I know what I am saying when sometimes I do not.

I am a registered hypocrite. When I am around sinners I sometimes want to be like them — to be in their club — but I never can be, because I have spent my whole life trying to be holy, different, pure, set apart. I really don’t know what it’s like to be one of them because — well, I’m just not. I am blind to my own sin. As a registered hypocrite, I can’t just be a sinner; that would make me like everyone else, and would ruin my reason for being.

I am a registered hypocrite. I am always right in my own eyes. Though I might appear humble to you, I know better. I know that deep down, I am not like everybody else. I am better. I am well bred; there is nothing I can do about this. It’s my pedigree.

As a registered hypocrite, I am always self-conscious, because I always have to arrange the way I perceive things so as to come out on top. I wish I could get rid of this self-consciousness, but when I try, I am even more aware of it because I am trying to get rid of it. I wish there were a way to just step out of this — drop my righteous robes and be the man in rags that I really am, but I don’t know who that guy is. I don’t want to be naked — unclothed — and since I don’t know who to be without my robes, I cling to them. I don’t know how to act like somebody I’ve never been, because all I know about is being a hypocrite.

As a registered hypocrite, I don’t have many friends. Friends hang together because they have so much in common. They share each other’s stories because they are basically the same, but I am not. I have spent my whole life proving I was different. I don’t know how to be anything else. That’s why I am a registered hypocrite.

I am a registered hypocrite. I spend so much time inside my head arranging my world around me and covering up my fears and insecurities that you will never really get to know me.

I am a registered hypocrite. If I lead anyone astray, it would be better for me to be tied to a large stone and thrown into the depths of the sea. I am so much more worse off than a “sinner,” because I don’t see my sin; and if I don’t see my sin, I don’t need to be saved. I don’t even need to be forgiven, because I didn’t really do anything wrong.

Though I’m dangerous, I can’t do much harm to anyone because I can’t get very close; not with this log in my eye. It kind of keeps me at a distance, but that’s just the way I like it, because I’m a registered hypocrite. You can’t really see me; I can’t really see you. Nice and safe.

I wonder what would happen if I lost this log.

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11 Responses to Registered hypocrite

  1. Tempting though it is to look at others and say, “man — is John ever reading their mail!” … check and see the address on the envelope …

  2. That’s painfully like reading something someone might have written about me… too often!

  3. johnhaak says:

    I am a registered People Pleaser with side effects of Lying, Controlling and Self-Protecting.

  4. Andrew P. says:

    “I wish I could get rid of this _______________, but when I try, I am even more aware of it because I am trying to get rid of it. I wish there were a way to just step out of this – drop my righteous robes and be the man in rags that I really am, but I don’t know who that guy is.”

    I replaced your term with a blank, because it seems to me that many things could go in your sentence. Then I can use it, too, because it becomes my story, too, and perhaps the story of many others.

  5. Tim says:

    I hate self evaluation.
    I have gone the opposite direction but am still a complete hypocrite.
    I am an open book and don’t hide much, sometimes too open. I was even recently unfriended on facebook by my current pastor but I’m not sure why because he hasn’t talked to me since. (January first)
    I am approachable and rarely defend myself when I screw up.
    I think the church prefers hypocrates.
    He however is telling us all about his 35 year addiction to porn and his recent “victory in Jesus” experience with it.
    I admit I’m a bit outspoken and that is the beginning of my list of faults but it is funny to me that a recovering porn addict finds me too offensive to talk to.
    But I digress.
    Being a faulted human is not hypocritical. We are what we are.
    You John are a wonderful, thoughtful man. Your search for honesty is refreshing.
    Maybe we learn to be hypocrites because honesty brings rejection by the people we most want to be a part of.
    I can handle a porn addicted pastor, I can’t handle his judgement of me.
    You’ve got nothing to hide, John, your honesty is in the Catch every day and I still love you! 🙂
    I think a few others here feel the same way.

  6. John,
    I see your heart through all those words, I know parts, but we have the same Jesus inside, and we are close.. I learn about him, I learn more about us. What makes you different, is you reveal what is going on, this is how it helps me reveal some of my sins…
    Oh, and you are also quite humorous sometimes…, from one of your twin sisters, Cynthia lol

  7. Bob Hofferber says:

    Guess the fact that i wanted to tell you how to fix your problem tells me I am a hypocrite too, since working on my own stuff is a full-time job 🙂

  8. tim logan says:

    Acknowledgement is the first step towards healing,

  9. Ralph Gaily says:

    And so when do we get on with it ??!!! I’m sick of the continuous identification with our sins…. my sin is worse than yours…. I have confessed my sins more than you have….. I have “humbled” myself better than you have…. I feel worse about my sins than all of you others…. I’m more worthless than you…. I’m a bigger hypocrite than you…. my sin-pack is heavier than yours…. etc., etc., ad infinitum, ad nauseum. If God Almighty has proclaimed He has put away our sins as far as the East is from the West, and that He has forgotten them and will remember them no more…. who are we to keep bringing them up before Him and the World?!! What more could He have done than what was done, Finished, on the Cross outside the walls of Jerusalem 2,000 years ago ?! … the Person of His only begotten Son…. and, if you can hear it, in His Own Self ! What can be added to it ? It was His doing….. all of it ! We receive the incredible result of that sacrifice…. that INCREDIBLE SACRIFICE…. by FAITH. Believe and be saved. Unless you really don’t believe ! …… in which case, you’d best hurry and do some honest on-your-face-before-God conversing in your closet with Him…… it’s getting very late !

    • Tim says:

      I think it is not past sin that most of us deal with. It is the desire to be a living sacrifice vs. the reality of our present shortcomings that cause self evaluation and honesty about who and where we are in our walk with Christ. Part of living it is the process of sanctification or continually responding to the call of God.
      I like your idea of getting in with it and I think part of that comes in our humility before God and others seeking the truth of our spiritual walk.

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