Don’t wait until you’re profound

Anne, John, Chandler.

Anne, John, Chandler.

Wow. Unbelievable. Awesome. Don’t know what to say. We are overwhelmed. The outpouring of love and prayer support for our family from all of you is truly humbling. (See yesterday’s Catch.)

Everyone seems to be amazed at our transparency. I love what Sally wrote: “I will not wait until I am profound. Instead, I will respond out of sincere appreciation for your transparency. I feel like it is difficult to be as transparent as we would benefit from being, at least, at times it is.” Don’t wait until you’re profound.

I am actually amazed at what our transparency accomplished. It accomplished your transparency. It’s so enlightening to read stories, one after another after another, of people who we may not have heard from had we not told you all about Chandler, and what we are going through. It’s like opening a flood gate. It’s like a rain storm in southern California in July. (The Angels had a game rained out two days ago. The last time that happened in July was 20 years ago.)

One admitted that her drinking has gone beyond what she can control and is going to start attending A.A. meetings. We heard from another who sits on the edge of his son’s bed for a few minutes every day and cries and prays. His son traveled across the country and checked himself into a treatment center. We heard about someone’s adultery. We heard about someone else’s bipolar child. Another was happy her son was in was the hospital because that meant he was safe. Others simply said they have been where we are now.

And then there was dear Marya, in the middle of cancer treatment, who told us to go down to the beach, write our names in the sand and watch the waves take them away.

Odd, we don’t feel especially transparent. We feel raw. We’re feeling what we’re feeling and trying to tell you about it. Actually, that’s all we can do. Marti says I’m walking around in a fog. You’ve got to pray for me about that. I can’t afford to do that anymore.

I just keep seeing the look on Chandler’s face when I flicked on the light in his room at 4 a.m. and let in three strong men to take him away. That was the worst. Was that the look of Isaac? “Dad, what are you doing to me? How can you do this?”

Here’s the only thing that will snap me out of it. We have talked to Chandler every day so far and he has changed dramatically already. He is even saying he understands why we did this. I was hoping for that maybe a few months from now.

Since Chandler first came into our lives, I’ve been praying that God would bless him and make him a blessing to many. The way he was going, I think I lost track of that prayer. Now I am reminded that God uses everything in our lives. He doesn’t make any mistakes. He doesn’t let go. He doesn’t go, “Whoops, we lost track of Chandler there for a minute.” He didn’t, but I think I did. I lost hope for a while there. I’m sorry, but I did.

Chandler has a beautiful heart that is open to God. He has a tender spirit. He has a very strong will. All together under the power of the Spirit, he is going to do amazing things. Please join us in praying for the vision of Chandler with God in control. He once said he wanted to join the family business. Who better to do that?

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17 Responses to Don’t wait until you’re profound

  1. Tim Pyles says:

    Hi John & Marti,
    Something you said in yesterday’s Catch struck a nerve with me. You mentioned that Chandler has multiple Learning Disabilities, and it has been very difficult for him. I can totally relate. I only have one, or maybe 2, mild ones. However they have been a thorn in my flesh for decades. Especially when i was in school ,and even more recently when I went to college. I really feel for him being made fun of and peers thinking he is mentally challenged. Just because one has learning disabilities DOES NOT in any manner mean they are retarded or stupid. It simply means that they learn in different ways and sometimes it might take them a little longer, but most of the time they are extremely brilliant. They also tend to be a bit more creative than others who don’t struggle with those issues. I speak from experience when I say that although it never really goes away as one gets older, it does diminish to an extent. It does still rear it’s ugly head sometimes even later in life (I’m in my late 40s) but one just has to press on and do our best in everything. Trying not to worry about what other people think, because usually they have their own issues they are trying to mask as well. Btw, my 20 year old son is dylexic and so is a very close friend of mine who is currently working on a double major at the same university that I graduated from a few years ago. I hope this helps. Be encouraged. Please feel free to share this with Chandler. Love your ministry and your music John. God Bless y’all.

  2. Lois Taylor says:

    It is amazing what happens when you continue to pray. God answers. I have watched it happen with a friend of ours who was lost. We started praying over 6 years ago for him to be saved. On Easter Sunday 2015 he walked the aisle. Keep those prayers coming!

  3. Chandler has been, is now, and will be a blessing. (Ps. 37:25-26; 127:3).
    John and Marti, through your loving intervention and action, Chandler and the rest of your family are in the process right now of being both blessed and a blessing to others even though it is painful and difficult for everyone to bear.
    The blessings have begun and are like ripples in a pond – just look at how many lives you and Chandler have already touched (both within and beyond the Catch community) because of your sincerity, transparency, and “rawness” or realness in this situation.
    Your open-book lives are inspiring prayers, hope, love, renewed faith, purposeful unity in Christ’s family, and the anticipation of triumphant joy.
    Be comforted and encouraged Fischer family and all you who are hurting or at the crossroads of a painful yet necessary decision:
    “Those who sow in tears shall reap in joy…” (Ps.126:5)

    Shalom to you and yours, my friends….

  4. TimC says:

    One really weird thing about dyslexia is to read a sentence and it doesn’t make sense. So you go back and re-read it slowly and right before your eyes, letters will swap places, and then the sentence makes sense. That is just so freaky weird.

    Learning to deal with ADD is a lifelong experience too. ADD has its down sides, such as disorganization, being easily distracted, and self-medicating, but it also has its great points and when you learn to harness it, it’s like a super power. Oops, I need to get back on task here. Oh, look, a squirrel.

    Prayers for you all. Expecting miracles. Keep us posted.

  5. Cindy says:

    This brought tears to my eyes – I truly believe that Chandler will come out of this experience with an amazing testimony that will be used to help many others who struggle.

  6. Mark Seguin says:

    Dear Pastor John you wrote: “Please join us in praying for the vision of Chandler with God in control.” You got it… 🙂

  7. Just went back and read all the comments from yesterday. What a wonderful group of people there is out there! The opposite of watching the news. So many people still struggling but struggling with hope. And Lord knows, none of us can wait until we’re profound. If we do, the world would be a silent place! Glad to hear you are getting to talk with Chandler each day. I’m sure both you all and he looks forward to that moment. Still praying!

  8. KaT H. says:

    I am praying for you and your family!!! Your story touched my ❤ I sobered up in Laguna Beach, CA and I now have 15 years sober. FYI–my most favorite Alanon meeting EVER, is held every monday around noon at the Congregational Church off of St. Ann's 😉 Lois, Bill Wilson's wife, helped "start" that meeting! May you and Marti both get what you need as you go through "recovery"! Blessings. Kathleen H.

  9. Sandie says:

    Dear John, Marti and family…and everyone…
    As I read your devotional today, several thoughts/prayers/visions passed through my heart.
    Chandler is not lost…he’s on his way to really being found. Hang on to the promise in The Prodigal Son…while he was still a long way off, the Father saw him and ran to meet him…and led him the rest of the way home. Chandler (and you guys) may have a long road home, but the ending is never in doubt.
    As someone else shared, Chandler’s experience will serve him in the future as God uses him to minister to others. Someone I know sang…”you can’t bring a cup of cold water to someone if you’re never thirsty…you can’t heal a heart if your heart has never been broken.”
    How many times does our heart have to break?…as many times as it is necessary. Our problem is we keep trying to ‘un-break’ ourselves.
    So many questions we want the answer to…RIGHT NOW! We used to sing, “Jesus is the Answer,” and I believe that with all my heart. But I don’t think he’s found in the answers we think we want…I think he’s found in the questions. Is that profound? I don’t know…but I feel in my heart it’s the truth…or at least part of it.
    My heart joins with yours in the certainty we have in Jesus that Chandler will be blessed and that God will be glorified!

  10. kevinm1957 says:

    I didn’t get a chance to read yesterdays catch until just now. So sorry for the pain, loss, and useless feelings you are experiencing right now. God will heal all in time (His time, not yours or mine). I won’t distract from your experience by going into detail about all of mine; I will just list them so that you know I can relate:

    I am a recovering alcoholic, drug addict, sex addict, codependent, etc….(list goes on for a while)

    I have children I had to let go of and allow them to find God on their own through some very rough experiences (some drugs, some alcohol, some other issues) There are 5 of them in all, and they have all found their way back to God and His healing (so far)

    I have a grandson who is much like your Chandler and is lost right now. Our school system is not offering the type of help you received.

    I am here for you in prayer and in any way you need, just let me know what you need. I have a great pair of ears for listening, and have been told my shoulder is very comfortable for crying on.

    The only advice I have is very general; Let Go and Let God (defined as STAY OUT OF HIS WAY). It takes a lot of faith and even more trust, but it is required.

    All my Love, Hope, and Faith is with you both; as well as his brother and sister.

  11. Julio Jaramillo says:

    In Chandler’s weakness God is strong, what he fails to learn at school God is surpassing by teaching much more valuable lessons to his heart, these experiences are just part of that process. In the end we take our hearts, not our brains.

    Be glad that he only used marijuana, which is relatively easy to quit, the biggest problem is usually the motivation for its use.

    This is no failure, its a just a workout for your souls, and every workout makes you weaker before it makes you stronger.

  12. Cher Nelson says:

    John, I am aching with you. Such pain. But also want to remind you that it’s OK if Chandler DOESN’T eventually do “amazing things.” Maybe God meant for him just to be him. It will be what God chooses it to be. Let your faith grow through whatever that is. Always and always in love.

  13. People in Chandler’s shoes sometimes need to be reminded that Einstein was called “mentally retarded” and told he would never amount to anything. You and your family are in our hearts and prayers, brother. We have followed you through your writings for many years (remember RealChristianWoman?) and we will always hold you up in prayer that God renews your hope moment by moment. You are dearly loved, and Chandler is in the palm of God’s capable hand. Hugs from Easterhouse.

    • Just as a side-note, I started college a year ago at age 50 to become an elementary school teacher. One of my deepest callings is reaching students just like Chandler, in that tender age when their differences are just beginning to be noticed. It is my heart to find keys to the way they learn best, to open a window to discovery and to the innate beauty in each and every heart and mind. These are God’s children, and each one has unique gifts knitted inside. I will be on a quest to celebrate those gifts.

  14. drewdsnider says:

    Like so many others, John, I’m grieving for you and Marti. But do not beat yourselves up for “losing sight of the prayer” for Chandler. So many parents get blind-sided by things their kids have gotten into: know that you’re by no means alone. Thank you for letting us in on the situation and giving others the opportunity to share and know that they’re not alone, either. It sounds like you have no end of images, both mental and physical, that will drag you down. All those images do, is cloud the real picture of our God, on the move, and working through something that we can’t quite see — yet.

  15. Lee Toews says:

    I just saw your ‘reveal’ about your lives and what is going on with Chandler. I’m at work and don’t have long to write but I need to let you know that my heart aches for your pain and I DO understand. I can’t go into details but my wonderful, sensitive, talented son has been ‘ill’ since he was about 12. No child psychiatrists, school counsellors or well-meaning pseudo professionals could give us any guidance as he slowly drifted from just ‘odd’, to severley mentally ill.
    He was given anti-depressents (not recommended for children) he has been hospitalized, given a litany of drugs, in psych wards 3 times for months at a time, twice after I called police. I have been advised by my psych social worker to leave him there and walk away. He would be released when they consider him stable, he will live on the street and die within a year. I was told to go home and grieve his death.
    I COULD not accept this. I could not leave him. I listened to him everyday. I was on the internet every day. I lost my job and my husband but I found out what was wrong and why. He was sexually molested at 9 by a family friend. That started the anxiety and self loathing. His natural ADD and creativity together with anxiety made school nearly impossible. At University he started smoking pot and that is when the schizophrenia began to take hold with a vengence. (don’t let anyone tell you pot is safe)
    During his 3rd hospitalizatiion where he believed he was Jesus Christ and wanted to be released to heal everyone in the hospital, the Dr.’s FINALLY told me they had tried every know anti-psychotic but one. That ‘one’ is a dangerous ‘wonder-drug’ that needs constant monitoring and sometimes causes death. We decided to go for it.
    Two years later, my son and I are living together in an apartment, He is enrolled in second year University, happy, has a goal geared towards helping other like himself, and see’s a bright future ahead. He still suffers some OCD symptoms that are controlled by having a safe supportive environment to talk things through.
    I, his mother, never gave up on him. Always believed that God had plan for him that did not include living in an institution. My life has changed dramatically, I have a new wonderful God-given job, live daily by the grace of God and thank Him every day for the many rough roads he’s taken me along in my life – and I can say that I I finally Get It!!!
    Life is not about suffering or enduring the painful details of our lives and waiting and hoping that things get better – but about being thankful for EVERYTHING. Knowing that He understands and allows the pain, that He walks lock-step with us listening to our pleas, giving us peace when we trust Him, slowly building our character into the shape of His son – to the person He made us to be.
    I pray for wisdom and strength for you and Marti – the journey is rough.

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